| Long time no post |
[Jul. 2nd, 2009|06:35 pm] |
Well since I evidently don't make time to write in my lj (or read it for that matter) I think it only right to let you all know that I'm now on twitter (shawnvall) and you are all welcome to invite me and I'll return the favor. I do in fact keep up on twitter, so there's a chance I might actually see what you post there!
UPDATE:
I believe the last time I posted I had not yet migrated to Boston. Well I have indeed successfully transitioned over to the east coast (not personality or attitude-wise), have an apartment to myself, a new car (Saab 92-x), a thousand new smart phones (I'm a researcher for Nokia now, after all....I NEED them for the research....really!), a bunch of new home furnishings (even a french coffee press!), and a new Scottish girlfriend named Alison (working on her phd at Northeastern Uni). I work all the time, travel around seeing new places on the weekend, cook when I have the time, and slowly but surely pay down all of my 5 trillion loans. I'm also feeling old, putting on a few pounds from sitting at a desk more often then running around after girls (oh, the old days). I guess I'm an adult now, but at the very least I still have no respect for rules and ignore them whenever possible. I guess that pretty well sums up my general essence of being for the moment. Drop me a line on twitter and we can keep in touch (if anyone is still reading this journal, that is :-p).
Cheers, and have a great fourth of July!
Bamb bang kaboom!
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| This isn't a poem about my hatred of time.....not a poem. |
[Feb. 2nd, 2009|06:43 pm] |
Tick......Tock.......Tick.......Tock
"Tick........Tock...." goes the clock.
I can hear it in my mind. "Tick.......Tock....."
I never forget my time is running out.
Running quickly out.
"Where is it going in such a hurry?" I ask.
Tick......Tock......
I hear it again. The clock that never changes view.
Like water running down a drain, I watch my opportunity running away.
Running away with the time.
"I'm too young to feel this way" I think to myself. "Too young to feel this old."
"So what if I have no romance this year? There's always next year."
I thought that too. But I can't trust certainty because it never is.
No, this is how it is now. How it WILL be no one can say,
But at this moment, I see it clear as day.
Time is running out, and it takes my opportunity with it. |
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| Oregon Bound! |
[Dec. 16th, 2008|01:18 am] |
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I'm flying to Oregon tomorrow! This is just a warning to prepare for the return of Shawn. You have been warned! |
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| Yay! |
[Dec. 10th, 2008|03:30 pm] |
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Well I got the job in Boston! I'm going to be a user researcher for Nokia! Oh, so much to do, so much to do! I guess I'm finally entering this adult world I'd be preparing for for all these years! Yay! |
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| Here goes nothing! |
[Dec. 7th, 2008|10:04 pm] |
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I am on my way to Boston tomorrow afternoon and doing my second interview at Nokia on Tuesday. Wish me luck! (Though I hope I won't need it...) |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2008|12:52 am] |
Sometimes, before life opens any doors for you, it makes certain that all the doors are shut. This is life's way of preventing drafts.
Thanks, life. I do surely hate drafts. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 5th, 2008|11:50 am] |
What the hell!? Why does everything I say keep rhyming! Gah! I'm starting to bloody sound like Dr. Seuss!
Or maybe I should just go with it and write my resume in rhyming prose. I wonder if that would work... |
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| What am I thinking? (Disassociated Version) |
[Oct. 30th, 2008|02:36 pm] |
Mmm, this coffee tastes good. Kona Blend.
Mmm, I do love the flavour of Kona coffee and swiss milk chocolate.
Microsoft? What? Really?
Hmm, Redmond seems like a nice community. Trader Joe's! Maybe my past wasn't so bad, really.
Damn this time-difference. Disassociated
I wonder what Morgane is doing now. Probably thinking about other things.
I hope this heals soon...it's a pain to walk on.
Man, I wish they would give me a call soon.
Damn, I still need to finish that presentation.
Where is everyone?
Will Obama hurry up and win already?
Didn't I have a lot of great adventures? Now what?
"Many an opportunity is lost because a man is out looking for four-leaf clovers." |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 12th, 2008|07:10 pm] |
Don't Panic; don't panic; don't panic; don't panic; don't panic; don't panic; don't panic.
Good bye Europe. Good bye european friends. Good bye european culture. Good bye european food. Good bye french girlfriend.
Hello....?
Suddenly I don't feel so ready anymore. I have a bad feeling about this.
Live long, and prosper good people of LJ. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 10th, 2008|01:58 pm] |
I am finally ready to stop running from my future.
It too seems tired of chasing after me.
"I find it fascinating that most people plan their vacations with better care than
they plan their lives. Perhaps that is because escape is easier than change."
-Jim Rohn |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 7th, 2008|03:14 pm] |
I'm an idiot. I missed my flight. Had to by a new ticket to the US. I thought today was yesterday.
Dear god. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 3rd, 2008|01:44 pm] |
On Wednesday I will return to the US, partly because of have to and mostly because I seem destined for a nervous breakdown.
Time to return to the great package peeps. Don't worry, you can't miss me, I'm the yellow one that resembles a chick.
I wish I hadn't let the cherry drop. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 12th, 2008|01:05 pm] |
So I have finished my program now and will be getting my masters. Cool.
In other news, I have nothing to look forward to. Cool.
PS- I'm effectively single now and serving as the chef and maid for a french family. Cool. |
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| No place like home....thankfully. |
[Sep. 8th, 2008|12:55 am] |
And so, Morgane returns from Australia tomorrow at 11:15am (2:15am US pacific time). In fact, she is on the plane right now and has been on it for the past 16 hours. Again, my grown up emotions defy expectations. I had expected to be very happy to have her finally come back to France, and of course I am, but I'm also feeling the time I once had transforming from a comfort to flame consuming itself and beginning to burn me with it. When she walks through the door, I'll know change is on its way and much sooner than I'd like.
My flight back to the US is reserved for the 7th of October. After that time I will go from a life in France to one in North Carolina, and doubtful find the exchange a fulfilling one. I will also be, for all intents and purposes, single when I return. I'm already anticipating my lukewarm return with a sense of dread. It will be the first time I've been in the US for well over a year, and to be honest, it already feels like an end rather than any sort of triumphant beginning as one presumably should feel upon completing their masters. It's not just going home. After living in europe for the last two years and becoming on many levels a completely new person for the experiences, returning to the US--home--seems to me now more like revisiting my childhood. Of course it's nice to go back and see where you grew up and all those childhood friends. Maybe you can even relive a bit of it, but even if it is all the same, you aren't. Or maybe I'm just kidding myself. After all, I don't really have a home, do I? People like me are too adaptable, and never happy in any place for long. Besides the fact that I literally have no 'family home' and parents on opposite ends of the continent, even if I did I wouldn't be able to stay there. How could I? I feel at home no matter where I am, so why stay in one place on a planet with so many potential experiences? Still, at times when I'm forced to return to the US and all those places in which I've already been, it never feels anything but like going backward. I hate hate hate this feeling. I don't hate the US, in fact I miss much of it, but by God I dread going backward.
Today I spent the day cycling through nearby villages, forests, and crossing rivers with my bicyle over head. I rode everywhere regardless of their accessibility. What I saw everywhere were stone houses built before my French ancestors chose to relocate to the US (avoiding the french revolution of 1848, but arriving just in time to participate in the American Civil War). It was absolutely classic french, and unlike most things considered 'classic' today which are really just an illusion for show, the French (those traditional fuckers) are still actually living in that classic French world! Just the fact that I can wonder around on a bike and see things that by all rights probably should have disappeared centuries ago.......how could I ever be fully satisfied in America again? But who knows, I may be worrying for no reason at all. With all the accidents occurring on planes lately, I may not make it all the way back to the US after all. In either case, I don't have much time left. |
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| Random thought |
[Aug. 30th, 2008|02:22 pm] |
Is it just me, or does every 16-17 year old girl on earth suffer from a meocentric view of reality forcing them to the conclusion that the world and all its inhabitants revolve around them? I dont know why, but there is something particular about this age that gives girls in particular a sense of entitlement equaled only by their complete inability to do anything for themselves.
I've seen this over and over and over again, and now I'm seeing the very same behaviour in France. I just want to hit them over and over again with an old hard baguette. Over and over again. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 25th, 2008|12:32 am] |
It's a strange thing, spending 2 months in a state of social isolation. It's like a sudden realization that all the nuance and subtlety you never even realized in any real way before vanishes from your life so discreetly as to not even be noticed. Then, in a sudden rush you figure it out. Poof! You come to feel as though you can't really communicate anything at all worth communicating, so you just give up. You tell yourself, "well it's fine, it's really not a big deal. I'll just keep it to myself," because after all, you can't bare to try yet again to say something meaningful to a sea of blank confused expressions; dancing around explaining each and every word until they know their meaning as well as you do, only to watch them return once again with blank confused expressions when you say the sentence again. After a while you limit yourself to saying just simple things. "This is good. I like that. It's not important. I think so..." So you sit there surrounded by people clucking away merrily feeling, perhaps for the first time in your life, socially invisible. You sit there during dinner not bothering to speak--it would be wasted on your audience anyway--and carrying on in your head whatever little thing you can mentally occupy yourself with while you sit there, hour after hour after hour, until you realize with astonishment that you're drunk (for lack of anything else to do but drink wine in copious amounts), have been sitting watching people engage in lively discussions about this or that (understanding about 20% of what's said and nowhere near enough to keep your attention), and idly thinking how ironic it is that you can spend months surrounded by people yet actually communicating with no one. I have never been so dull, uninteresting, and unfunny, or so it has seemed, as I have for nearly 2 months. I feel completely wasted. There is so much more to me than just being the american guy who's living in Morgane's room, but for nearly 2 months that's all I've really been, with no more depth than that.
It's just been a long time since I've felt like more than just some sort of unique american artifact inexplicably present. I was actually a bit shocked today that someone actually touched me in an affectionate way. Morgan's cousin/sister person leaned her head on me in the car while we were all traveling around today. I felt like a bit more than a human artifact for once and it was great. And then they gave her the huge jar of nutella that they had finally purchased after 3 weeks, and she took it along with her when she left. Suddenly the sadness all returned in a rush. I really really needed that nutella. Now I'm empty, socially isolated, and have nothing to put on my brioche. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 20th, 2008|04:31 pm] |
This, my friend, is officially declared a bad day. Things just aren't going well for the forces of good today. Plus, I can't seem to fucking stop swearing! It's probably good that I hide myself away up in my room toiling over the remarks of 13 year old English kids.
I need a drink, and america needs to get it's act together in a big way. |
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| Serious Question |
[Aug. 10th, 2008|09:03 pm] |
Alright, I'm going to pose a question to you all that is, frankly, devouring my soul at present. The question is, of course, un-answerable with no absolute right or wrong answers. Ultimately I will either have to answer this question, or allow fate to answer it for me.
My question is thus: Should I stay in Europe and find a job or return to America?
I have been living in Europe for the past 2 years and have made a lot of great friends. Thinking about leaving all these great people and the experiences I've had far behind in the great forgotten land of Europe honestly breaks my heart.
On the other hand, there are people and many other aspects of america that I also miss. Plus the more difficult aspect that I have very little time to get a job now (I have to focus on finishing my thesis, not finding jobs right now, or I won't even graduate) and the only realistic place where I can work in my field is in the UK, but if it's between England and the US, I choose the US. Also, if I were to apply to english companies now, it would cost a ton to fly back to go to an interview, and I would have to sacrifice precious time in France with Morgane that I won't get back no matter which decision I make.
So it all boils down to this...Should I try to stay in europe or just enjoy the rest of my time, return to the US (at one of the single worst times to be job hunting) and vow to return to Europe not knowing if I'm just kidding myself.
I'm lost. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 2nd, 2008|11:54 am] |
So one of my banks closed my account in the US due to low activity and my "history" of credit delinquency. Basically, because my University (one of the top 10 Universities in England) was not in the US and therefore not on the list of approved schools, the loan people say that I didn't deserve a pause in my payments to them. I of course had to go into forbearance.
Anyway, I can't help but appreciate the irony that before I went to University I didn't really even need a job. Only after going to University (with the goal of getting a good job) did I for the first time in my life actually need a job due to incredible debt of going.
Europeans of course have no idea what it's like to begin your adult life $50,000 or so dollars in debt, because their governments pay for their education so that they can begin as free operators.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that according to numbers I'm an evil person now, and only a small step away from a dirty rotten thief. I just love that. Thanks, America. Love, Shawn. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 25th, 2008|05:27 pm] |
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I don't even want to work in an office. I just want to be a well read carpenter in France. Computers are so damn unfulfilling. I think I made a mistake at some point whilst planning my career. |
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neysayer's journal
chipper